Blog #1: And one morning she woke up different

“And one morning she woke up different.” This quote has always resonated with me. I remember leaving my mom 2 weeks after my high school graduation to join the Navy. I will never forget hearing her say, “Baby you don’t have to go…stay with mommy” as tears streamed down her face. In my mind all I could think about was how “dreamy” it was to FINALLY be an adult out in what seemed at the time quite a fun and stress-free world! Where those tears and not wanting me to go her way of indirectly telling me that this life will knock you down in ways you couldn’t imagine?

Reality quickly revealed its annoying face… What is this thing called bills? You mean I am responsible for buying my own groceries? Toilet paper? Clothes? Have I been hoodwinked? When I got my first paycheck my bank account looked so Phat however, when I had to pay those new people in my life electric company, USA Bank for Sheba (my car) and all of the other random strangers that would not stick around if I didn’t pay up! Fast forward through all of this newly inherited responsibility, along came little Miss Amirah (my daughter). My life as a woman has not been the same since. One day as she was crying uncontrollably, (I just knew that I would take a dive off my balcony and this is no exaggeration). As I sat there spaced out, I started recalling memories of seeing random tears in my mother’s eyes, the defeated look in her face when walking through the door after 12 hours or more on her feet, walking in the bathroom seeing chunks of hair coming out into her hands. She was a single mother of 3 children, bringing in around $25,000 a year; that in itself was stress enough. As a child you are oblivious to what is going on because you are the only thing that matters in your kid like mind. My adult mind wants to know how the FUCK did she survive!?

Sometimes as women, we take on the burden of everything and everyone. We want to keep the facade that we are ALWAYS HOLDING IT TOGETHER. Well dammit we are not always okay! It does not matter if you have children or not, there are other areas in our lives that we lend all of our energy too. It may be our significant others, careers, family members etc. The funny thing about what I am saying is sometimes people don’t even ask of us, we just want to make sure everyone around us is doing okay. When are we going to stop and pause; declare that enough is enough? We can still give to those areas in our lives and make time for ourselves. When will we open our eyes and see that we don’t have to be EVERYTHING for everybody all the time?

As I write I become tearful because when you truly reflect on this, it is self-sabotage. Always putting yourself on the back burner to ensure that all others are cared for. Please don’t mistake what I am saying as though it is wrong to give yourself to those other areas of your life, not at all! What is wrong is when we don’t give ourselves that time to step back and breath.

You are probably wondering where I am going with all of this. Ladies it is time for us to wake up and embrace self-care. This is not a New Years resolution but a lifestyle. Let’s break the cycle of this anxiety, stress, and depression. My challenge to you today is to find 1 day this week where you take time to yourself to do something that makes you smile; no matter what that is. Don’t be shy, leave a comment and let our other readers in on your much needed self-care moment!

Remember…our mental, emotional, and physical health is relying on US to make the right decision, to give ourselves permission to just….PAUSE.